Excerpts (1)

My cruelty wears a

mask that spells J u s t i c e

Does it not feel good?

Hurt for hurt for hurt for a 

Battered bodie

for another

five, ten, twenty years of

I Flagellate You-You Flagellate Me

and We Broken Breaking to

crumple up crawling in between,

towards fragile

fingers, What did i learn?

Our shame is cyclic, you the mouth

I the tail

 

——

Aquarian met Geminist Loved briefly Intensely And realised what Love was not

I bite into flesh of Buttermilkboy I am Scorpion moon Geminist rising I like

Gibberish Gibberish Gibberish I learnt of English village called Whyteleafe because of a

Sunday football match 1-2 against Whitstable Town at Wembley Park when I walked one hour and

Kidnapped a ladybug from a branch and listened to

Trumpet of Takuya Nakamura who moved to New York City in ‘Ninety-four and I

watched the videos I

took

two

weeks ago For the First time

 

and

Saw things through the lens of my iPhone I hadn’t  seen I-R-L through the eyes of my Face Before and IRL I forget what Missing people felt like Before I

Before I

Before i

became like this

——

A question for God (a Lazy one)

God Why Does Rage Make Me So INSULAR?

So inwards-Looking  internalised WITHIN?

Comfort level zone of unmoving frequencey The

Doop Doop Doop Not BUDGING God WHY

Do i not seem able to Love anymore GOD why 

Cant my Mouth move Cant words exit FREEly after

Raw unbecoming AFTER Emancipation POST

Disintegration LIFT Burden New Load New

House? new Street? Two New soft FEET?

If I’m free if i’m so Free Tell Me 

God why

Am i raw am i Too raw? TOO Raw 2 rawWwwww

22 RAW 22222 raaaaaawwwrrrrarRrR rRrrRrrRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! God Why

Insides Ensconced within Enshrined (Tomb)

(Consumed By) THE

Interior of a SELF i Do Not know how

how to HOW To/How 22 Perceive Understand Create//How 222

Proceed WITHOUT Caution(ary Struggle/becoming//the OPENing) The long LONG Nights, the

(How 222) The the THE

Unravel –how TWO?– Open (what If I)Befriend with

With earnest I? I? I?

WITHOUT shame, Without SHAME God Why

U see the Rs surrounding// Me/ BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE ME BUDGE

——

Did it feel good when you came back?

Did you come back to say no to me again? 

(Was that–

–what Death taught you)?

I returned to world

I tasted dirt of Earth

when I was seven

I carried One pot of soil

across sunbathed courtyard

in St. Francis

Look,

You need to look

Look —all the way

up, up, up you can see 

Corner most archway of door on floor

closest to Sky

There Cloak-covered ustazah

with moon-shaped face

She taught us scripture,

Look,

Some some Some prayed to Jesus 

 

and I prayed to a wave on the

Tanjung Aru shoreline

Are you looking?

I fell with my mouth open

The clay split that way too

Dirt in mouth,

Knees on ground

i tasted midnight black

Agatha the class bully

picked me up

on My two small old feet

and

 

and

 

and

hauled me to Nearest water source

and 

 

and

 

and

Pried soil from my tongue

with her fingers

And that was when I knew

I knew

I knew

I knew

Which one felt good

I simply am in the way that only Midnight black can witness

(In a way you cannot bear to see)

But You Hear Me Do You Not

It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good It feels good

——

I love you

Sometimes i need a good big cry

But i don’t know enough malay